- For your information (FYI). Means: I don’t know what to do with this, so please keep it.
- Noted and returned. Means: I don’t know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
- Review and comment. Means: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
- Action please. Means: Get yourself involved for me. Don’t worry, I’ll claim the credit.
- For your necessary action. Means: It’s your headache now.
- Copy to. Means: Here’s a share of my headache.
- For your approval, please. Means: Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
- Action is being taken. Means: Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
- Your letter is receiving our attention. Means: I am trying to figure out what you want.
- Please discuss. Means: I don’t know what the hell this is, so please brief me.
- For your immediate action. Means: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
- Please reply soon. Means: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
- We are investigating/ processing your request with the relevant authorities. Means: They are causing the delay, not us.
- Regards. Means: Thanks and bless you for reading all the crap.
- Whorepresents. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is http://www.whorepresents.com.
- Expertsexchange. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at http://www.expertsexchange.com.
- Penisland. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at http://www.penisland.net.
- Therapistfinder. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at http://www.therapistfinder.com.
- Powergenitalia. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… http://www.powergenitalia.com.
- Molestationnursery. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: http://www.molestationnursery.com.
- What’s your company’s policy on severance pay?
- How long does it take your company’s bureaucracy to get around to firing somebody for poor performance?
- Do you have a random drug testing policy?
- Does your company’s life insurance cover suicide?
- How in depth are your criminal background checks?
- Does your company’s insurance consider genital herpes a pre-existing condition?
- How many sick days do you allow each employee before you stop paying them for not being here? 3. Does your insurance cover sex-change operations?
- Does your internet access have a firewall that blocks pornographic websites? 1. How frequently do your accountants audit petty cash?
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I’m dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I’d like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn’t know the alphabet yet!!
AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!
CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it’s a horror film. I didn’t see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom’s dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That’s alright, me too…I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
Man : Boy wats ur Dad’s name?
Boy : His name is LAUGHING.
Man : and ur Mother name ?
Boy : Her name is SMILING.
Man : u then must be kidding
Boy : no they are my brother’s I am just JOKING.
Lots of laugh!
WOMEN AS EXPLAINED BY ENGINEERS
Funny gag I got from a friend. Here is the story:
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago.
While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.
I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, “Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.”
“I’m sitting right over there,” pointing to my seat at the bar, and I’m waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives to come walk by and just say “Hi Tom?”
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.
A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It Was Bill Gates.
“Hi, Tom,” he said.
I replied, “Shut up, Bill, I’m in a meeting.”