funny jokes

Top Silly Websites!

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Top Ten Questions Not To Ask In A Job Interview

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The Metropolitan Life Insurance Company Tower,...
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  • What’s your company’s policy on severance pay?
  • How long does it take your company’s bureaucracy to get around to firing somebody for poor performance?
  • Do you have a random drug testing policy?
  • Does your company’s life insurance cover suicide?
  • How in depth are your criminal background checks?
  • Does your company’s insurance consider genital herpes a pre-existing condition?
  • How many sick days do you allow each employee before you stop paying them for not being here? 3. Does your insurance cover sex-change operations?
  • Does your internet access have a firewall that blocks pornographic websites? 1. How frequently do your accountants audit petty cash?

Mr. Bean Jokes

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BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I’m dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?

Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

Mr. Bean: I’d like some vitamins for my grandson.

Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn’t know the alphabet yet!!

AT AN ATM MACHINE:

Friend: What are you looking at?

Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?

Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?

Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it’s a horror film. I didn’t see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you took anyway?

Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:

Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom’s dead.

Friend: condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder

Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:

Colleague: Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.

Mr. Bean: That’s alright, me too…I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.­

Find Your Opportunity During World Cup

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LESSON: If opportunity doesn’t knock the door; open the door and drag opportunity inside.

The S.H.I.T Letter

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Simply, this is an awesome letter
All Employees,
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T).
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.
Employees who don’t take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don’t have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)
And I’m graduated as N.O.S.H.I.T (Number One Special High Intensity Training) graduation!!

Type of Hand Shakes

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Type of handshake; lol…..

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